Most of us know as we approach a train track or busy subway station to stop, look and listen. Have a collision with a fast moving vehicle and we lose. The fast moving vehicle is also our current culture.

“We live in a hyperactive society, where anything less than mania is considered depression.”

JAMES HILLMAN

Ding, Ring, Buzzer, Text etc. etc. etc. Whether it’s timers, clocks, calendars or actual people — — — — — take a break. I remember the night when I knew I had to have an unlisted, unpublished phone number. It was in the 1970’s, long before the instant availability of the computer. My public circle was a volume problem, but it was my inability to set boundaries and say “no” that was hardest to deal with. My very close, intimate friends would expect that they were the one that could reach me – all 70 of them. Therein was the challenge.

It took time and it took courage and grit, but I had the talk with everyone and shared that I needed space. That was the beginning of my unavailability, unless prearranged or by appointment. In the many years since, I still have those same boundaries on all interaction I have with friends, work and outside my family. I appreciate e-mail because of the choices it gives of when to read or respond. My life became manageable. All my closest friends (even from the 70’s) have somewhat adopted this style and we are closer than ever.

My son taught me the word “savor”. It’s become a very important word to me. When I am “on the phone” – that’s all that I do. I focus and savor. When I take a walk – that’s all that I do.I| focus and savor. When I eat, I slow down and savor each bite and swallow – I focus. When I work, I am intense and work. I savor and focus. When the day is over —— I have had time to savor, and body and soul are fulfilled.

I have learned to say “no” right away – not later. My lifestyle is full and there will never be enough of anyone to go around (me included). Picking and choosing is a part of learning the process to savor. Marie Kondo has done it with “stuff”. It can be done with digital, phone calls, requests, time and people.

Am I perfect —NO.

Do I savor most of the time — YES.

Do my friends love me? – WIN SOME, LOSE SOME.

Bottom line. They sort themselves out. I will always appreciate our times together, but it’s an evolving story. I am enjoying health, love, family and am becoming the best caregiver I know how to be.

TURN OFF (the demands) TUNE IN (to yourself & your needs).